As hard as it is to believe another March is here. It seems the older I get the faster this month comes back around. This will be the fourth year since Eddie's death. This entire month is always difficult but the week of March 13-20 is especially hard. I've made up my mind though that this year I'm not going to dwell on the negative. I'm going to do what I can to remember the good, and I plan to keep myself as busy as possible throughout the month. I started on a positive note by spending last evening talking to a good friend for several hours. Throughout our conversation I was pleasantly surprised at how often I was able to mention Eddie without it making me sad. I've already made plans to spend this coming weekend with friends from South Georgia, and we're also going to see Elton John in concert March 20th. I know none of this will stop me from remembering what happened, but I've learned that surrounding myself with friends and activity is the best way to get through the hard times.
I've thought a great deal recently about where I've been, where I am now, and where I'm going with my life. I guess I've developed a somewhat matter-of-fact attitude and am slowly but surely making decisions and moving ahead. I don't like what happened, but I've had to accept that it did happen. I may not like the changes Eddie's death forced me to make, but I've made them just the same. I've learned that no amount of looking back or wishing can undo the events of the past, so I may as well look ahead and focus on the future. I accomplished my goal of completing my specialist's degree - now I need a new venture to devote my extra time and energy to. I haven't decided yet exactly what that will be, though I am considering several things. For now I will concentrate on the things I already have in my life - my family, my friends, my job, my personal relationships - and I'll approach my future the same way I'm dealing with my past - by accepting that I can't force things to turn out the way I want them to. Like the old Doris Day song says "Que Sera, Sera, whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours, to see."
Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow
by Helen Steiner Rice
"Yesterday's dead, tomorrow's unborn
So there's nothing to fear and nothing to mourn,
For all that is past and all that has been
Can never return to be lived once again.
And what lies ahead, or the things that will be,
Are still in God's hands, so it is not up to me
To live in the future that is God's great unknown,
For the past and the present God claims for His own.
So all I need do is to live for today
And trust God to show me the truth and the way,
For it's only the memory of things that have been
And expecting tomorrow to bring trouble again
That fills my today, which God wants to bless,
With uncertain fears and borrowed distress.
For all I need live for is this one little minute,
For life's here and now and eternity's in it."