I was coming home from a weekend trip recently and couldn't find any decent stations on the radio. I put in several CD's that I had in the car and listened to them while I drove. They were all older CD's, so I'd heard them dozens of times before. This time though the words to several of the songs caught my attention, and I really listened to them for the first time. Three in particular seemed to be sending me a message ... I Breathe In, I Breathe Out by Chris Cagle, Days Like These by Jason Aldean, and Tim McGraw's My Next Thirty Years.
Chris Cagle's song describes perfectly how I lived for a long time after Eddie's death ... "Until this world stops turning round and my heart believes that you've gone, I breathe in and breathe out, put one foot in front of the other, take one day at a time ..." I'm not sure at what point I stopped living this way. I just know that I did. It hasn't been easy, but going on with my life isn't the daily struggle that it once was. I breathe easier now and don't think about every move before I make it. I make plans days, weeks, even months in advance and look forward to them. I'm gradually starting to enjoy life again, and what's even more important is I'm accepting that it's okay for me to! I actually believe now it's what Eddie would have wanted.
I know from my own experience the words to Days Like These are truer than most people realize ... "Life is short." Because I know this I've decided I should take more of that song to heart ... "Life is short, let's go live it, ain't no time for wasting time, days like these they go by way too fast, days like these you wanna make them last." I've always been a very serious, cautious, responsible, schedule-oriented person. I've always done what was expected of me and tried to please others before myself. While I don't intend to become selfish, careless, or irresponsible, I am making an attempt to live a happier, more relaxed life. I want to laugh more, travel more, have fun, and maybe even do things on a the spur of the moment once in a while (although that last one may prove to be difficult for me).
At 51 years old many people may not think they have 30 years of life left. But with the longevity on my mother's side (my grandmother is 97 and going strong) I truly believe I'll be around for at least that much longer! With that in mind I'm going to apply My Next Thirty Years to my future ... "Now it's time to focus in on where I go from here ... My next thirty years I'm gonna have some fun ... Cry a little less, laugh a little more ... Figure out just what I'm doing here ... " I don't know for sure what I'm going to do with the rest of my life, and I may not know exactly how much time I have left, but I do know that despite how I felt four years ago my life isn't over. I plan to make the most of my future and not have any regrets ... "My next thirty years will be the best years of my life ..."
"As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you
didn't do." ~Zachary Scott