In March of 2009 my husband of 25 years committed suicide. It's still hard for me to say or write that word ... suicide. The word never had any real meaning to me before. It's something I never knew anything about - until it happened to me. I used to think that there must be something terribly wrong in families where a suicide occurred. I never understood why someone wasn't able to stop it before it happened. I never even considered it happening in my life. But then it did, and my entire world was turned upside down. It took me years to even begin putting my life back together, and to this day there are still things I struggle with. I promised myself that if and when I survived this, I would make an effort to try to help others - either those who have experienced a suicide or someone who might be considering it for themselves.
After some thought, I chose to write a blog recounting my experience. I don't want to cite statistics or quote "experts" about suicide. I only want to share my personal experience, from my lowest point on the night the suicide took place to where I am now in my life. I don't have any great words of wisdom. I don't have a magic pill to make the pain caused by a suicide go away. I can't tell anyone how to prevent it or recover from it. I just want others who have experienced or considered suicide to know they are not alone.
I don't proclaim to be the most religious person or the most devout Christian in the world, but I do believe in God and prayer, so most of my entries will contain some scripture or quote that I believe helped me (once I decided to ask God for help). I think it's best to start with something short and simple - "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." Phil. 4:13
My story begins March 16, 2009 ...